Fall into You

The LORD is compassionate and

gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

-Psalm 103:8

I am falling into myself.

Breath folding in the right creases, I collapse my lungs and cease to exist until I disappear so slowly the world believes I am just a shy stretch of hands and heart.

You are unending, covering the universe and all that stacked together to form light. How can I dissolve when the dust from my ash swims through Your own limbs, my eyes becoming a drop of color in Yours? I am pulled, vacuumed through my cracks of bone and ushered into the void that finds Your beginning burning life to be.

It sparks in me briefly, and I am carried by the flame. Then, I drop my eyes and let the moment pass. I turn away the best things for me and huddle close to rusted monotony that squeaks and shudders, an old cow shifting to bed. You are in relentless pursuit, light flashing and tossing sparks of glory my way. I let them fall at my feet. Shine dulls in my stare; I do not see dirt from dust. If my heart swelled with the slightest hope, how quickly I expel the notion from my heart.

You are watching, always watching. I let You down a hundred times over, never making a move to lift my lashes to see Your face. Yet Your gaze never wavers, never leaves its fixed mark. You encourage me to raise my eyes again, invite me to let You look inside and show me how You really see me.

If I am to fall, I know it is to be into You.

You are forever patient, willing to wait for my skittish heart to slow down and be still with You. So let me fall, loose the cords that keep me firmly in one place so I may move in freedom, full of Your heart, sparked with a fearlessness for the future because I am ignited in You.