I wake to a new day, sleep still lingering in my eyes. As my body stirs, so does my mind, doing a mental scan of my thoughts and emotions. I notice, again, the weight in my chest, gaining strength. It’s been the pattern for weeks, my constant companion in my waking hours. Frustration settles, as I prepare to battle through another day weighed down.
This invisible heavy hand has a hold of my heart, presses down, keeps joy from rising, from excitement growing.
I’m a tangled metal knot with no idea how to lift the oppression. It’s debilitating—how does it dissipate?
I share this with Eric as I brew the coffee, kettle boiling, beans ground into powder for my pour over. He takes me face in his hands and leans me in close, nuzzles my nose.
“It’s like a tangled fishing line,” he explains, the man familiar among open water. “There can be many knots—big ones that take a lot of line, small, tight ones that seem almost impossible to sort. But you work them out, massage the line. It takes time, and you have to be patient, but eventually the knots loosen and come undone, and you’ve got a full, clean line again. Sometimes you have to clip, sometimes you lose a hook, but eventually it works out, if you take the time and care.”
I stare into his blue eyes, still sleepy in their own right, but true and focused, soft. His next words are almost a whisper. “That’s what God’s doing with you. You are uniquely made and it’s beautiful. Something’s gotten tangled inside, and He’s sorting it out with His own hands, helping you untangle.”
I hold to his words, wondering. That’s a new picture I’ve never drawn before. The tender process of becoming undone to be pieced together. The strong and nimble fingers of my Lord, massaging out the clump of knots crimping my life flow. Bending close, breath on my face as He studies what has curled to choke me inside, maneuvers each strand to slip free.
It’s in this intimacy where I find my God Immanuel, the One who wants to be with me. If I lean in, allow Him His work, I find His presence, find healing strength in Him.
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Oh my word!! This is absolutely amazing and a perfect description of what God is doing in my life for the last four months. Thank you so much for helping me to understand more fully what God is doing. Bless you for your honesty!!
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Thank you for putting into words the mess in my heart and head!
Wow, Sarah, that’s truly beautiful. You have such a beautiful voice for God’s healing power, thank you for sharing ♥️
I had to slow down and re-read every sentence because you were explaining the emotions and thoughts I’ve been having for a long time. Waking up with a dark heavy feeling, like what’s the point. Just last week I asked my husband to untangle 3 necklaces of mine from a travel bag, and I watched him carefully pick and pull at the knots for a long time. I told him never mind, it’s ok, just cheap jewelry, thanks for trying. Your story hit me like a ton of bricks as I saw the similarity. My husband never gave up and got them untangled. It made him happy to do it for me. Our God is good and wants to help us untangle our messes. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing and storytelling. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, always wanted to help people, and you helped me. You’ve inspired me. God bless you.
Sarah, I love the way you open up your soul when you write, and in doing so encourage others to lean into God despite the painful realities of life. You inspire me to be more authentic in my own writing…thank you
God bless you… we are journeying together in this… God is not leaving either of us. Let’s trust.