By Your Mercy

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.     -Titus 3:4-5

There is a rawness in my chest, red and welt-fed from scraping across my rib cage each morning as I wake to find my place in this world, and each night as I lay in scrutiny at whether my life produced any worth throughout my given hours.

I am hopeful. I am easily persuaded of my faults. I am fearful that I will never be enough.

Though I know that You are with me, I cry within my depths at the necessity of being of value in Your eyes, bringing value to Your cause. I worry about finding purpose as I rise and set to sleep each day, and I wonder whether I am where You need me to be. I crave to be. I crave to know that all my effort is effective, all my smiles will stay in the hearts to whom they are given.

Will You ever let me know if I am living as You like? Will you affirm my actions and confirm my trust? Will You shape me to move in ways that lift You into the light?

In the deepest wells of my soul, I desire to please You. To make You happy, to see the good You see in me that I sometimes can’t even see in myself. I know You tell me to rest in You, but how can I rest when I want to rejuvenate others with the grace and good news I know?

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