Keep believing, You say to my heart. Though this life certainly has not materialized the way I thought it would. Though my heart has bristled and built walls from deep disappointments, from hope deferred sliding in as poison to my faith, You whisper again and again, Nothing is impossible for you who believe.
The one who believes against all odds–again–because she knows the greatness of her God. She does not trust in circumstances, but the One who circumnavigates the course of her heart and charts a route of hope in her starry eyes. For even though hope may falter, life may assail her, she fixes her gaze on the God who is before anything that broke her ever was.
It always comes back to the same thing for me–to open my heart to believe again, dare to hope against hope that He who placed these longings in me will still be faithful, even when I doubt. But doubt is not a guiding light; it is a shadow shifting in deception. It steals my joy and blurs the bright character of God. It has the nerve to nudge and hiss, “Would a good God leave you in this mess, mangled and alone?”
But would a good God give me more of His presence rather than an answer I demand? Wouldn’t His peace, His comfort, His abiding countenance overpower any shard of darkness that threatens my dear heart? He comes in softly, assuredly, because His grace is more than good enough to get me through the night.
You know how I have howled with the sear of disappointment, of disbanded dreams. You have heard every cry. And You have quietly stood beside me, speaking kindly into my ear, asking me to turn around, to meet Your eyes and see the joy resounding. The joy of the Lord is my strength, and I stand assured once more to stake my claim in hope. Oh, this fickle heart, this fragile organ that continues to beat and yearn. Do your best to keep your gaze aligned with love.
Belief is a tender shoot, delicate as it forms new in the soil of surrender. The choice to trust that the hurt and pain can be made better by laying down our fears and lifting hearts to Him churns up the earth and makes way for new life.
Keep believing, You tell me, a silent invitation to trust, to grow my faith. Of course, I want this, want more of you, so with shaky words I answer, “I do believe, help my unbelief!”
All it takes is a small utterance of admittance to open up the crack in my heart enough to let the Light pour through, to be surprised by how He arrives to show me all is possible.
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