Why do I recoil against life here?
Why am I refusing to let go of my life plans and expectations? Why am I clinging so tightly? Why can I not just open to what is here and embrace what God may have for me? Why am I having such a problem releasing things to God? I stiff-arm.
It feels like my glass box of expectations has been taken out of my hands and cast to the ground and shattered. And I don’t know what to do with it.
Let it go.
But what’s the point in having plans and hopes and expectations if they don’t come to pass? I feel if I let go of my expectations for my life, then I will be settling for a second-tier life, and I don’t want to settle.
“Whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” -Matthew 10:39
Why even have hopes and plans in the first place if I have to let them go? And what kind of life will I get in return?
Right now, I have more questions than acceptance.
I will not doubt, though all my ships
come drifting home with broken
masts and sails;
I will believe the Hand that never fails,
From seeming evil works to good for me.
And though I weep because
those sails are tattered,
still will I cry, while my best hopes
“I trust in Thee.”
-Streams in the Desert
This is part of an ongoing series that will share excerpts of my book-in-progress, tentatively titled Grappling for Good: Revealing grace to light the dark. It’s my journey through a year of unexpected circumstances and soul excavation to discover the goodness of God in surprising ways.
Looking for something in particular?
Explore the archive! Organized for ease by category and year.
Add a comment