The afternoon sun streaks through my living room window, and I settle into my seat, finding just the right spot for the light to warm my body. On my windowsill, books bend into one another, and pens spill from their holder; my daily Bible verse calendar shows an image of majestic mountain peaks and a scriptural assurance of faith I cannot see.
The call to faith in the unseen resonates deeper than I wish it to.
I’ve spent these past six months fighting for my mental and physical health. I’m still wrestling with the lingering aftermath of COVID-19 and anxiety, comparing my state of exhaustion to where I was before I got sick.
When I see my life as it was, and I see the setbacks I’m battling, I can’t help but be tempted to spiral down the “why me?” rabbit hole. The daily battles leave me worn and wondering just how this will play out.
My camp is close to crumbling, and I need reinforcements. If I have the Lord of heaven’s armies with me, what is His tactic? What is His next move?
Is it to strengthen me supernaturally so I can take ground where I have loosened my hold?
Is it to storm my enemies and knock them down in one motion?
Is it to wait for me to say the right prayer or scripture and believe just a bit more for my faith to come to life and be “useful” in my healing?
Or is it possible God is calling me to something radically different? What if God’s will looks something like this: “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)?
The more I meditate on this verse, the more I realize I’ve been carrying much more stress than I need to. I’ve hoisted the weight of my health on my shoulders, striving to learn answers, comparing what was to what is now, and holding heavy, unrealistic expectations in my heart and mind.
Maybe you are, too. Maybe we’ve all been holding on to our own designs of how life should be and having trouble wrapping our minds around reality.
What do we do with the vice grip we’ve put ourselves in?
Thank You Lord for using this written group of words that you placed on this servant’s heart, to speak to me today! You knew exactly what my soul needed and here it is! Thank You Lord for Sarah Freymuth and her willingness to put down on internet paper, the words that help hurting spirits like mine! In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Exactly what was needed today during an 18-month journey through illness. I shared with a friend, also working through pain. How I needed to hear your words that acknowledged my worry, striving, loss….as I figure out how to ‘be’ during these days.
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