Surrender

Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with Him, we will also live with Him. 

-2 Timothy 2:11

Surrender.

To truly surrender, what will it take of me? What will it ask of my soul, my will, my plans, my dreams? The things that thread my insides, what I know, all I crave and keep balled in my tiny fists—how can I let them go?

I’ve held on for so long. To the world that shaped me. To the people who swelled in my heart like plump raindrops down a drinking river. To the curve of Lake Michigan, my nesting place, my reservoir of inspiration and rest.

I’ve fought the storm of my heart You stirred in my very dry, parched land. I’ve wandered the desert in search of home, my coveted Promised Land. And I have circled the edge of space unfamiliar, noting how nothing looks the same; no appeal lies in the layout.

I have been left alone in the wilderness, forced to face my heart and all its terribly broken pieces. And I have tried to tape it together, smooth as stone, just as solid.

But still I break, blinding me in pain as I fight against the grasp You have on my heart. But still You hold me here, aware of how I hurt, tears that fall with mine, knowing this is for my good. For Your grace.

Fall into Me, I seem to hear surrounding my mind, smoothing itself into my creases, those parched places that lay awake at night, tired and bruised and begging for reprieve.

If I can’t see straight, You must give me Your eyes. If I’m falling fast, You must brace my landing. If I am to lose myself, it’s You I must gain.

Slip off the bonds that hold me, strip my heart from all that’s collected in grime, the ugly stuff I never knew could fester in my soul. Pour me out, drain me dry. Do what it takes to refine me smooth as sapphire, new as a dawn that breaks beneath the sky. Let me die to the blood already crumbling up inside, die to the disgrace of my corroding humanity. May I live in truth and gladness, in a sweet surrender that sweeps my soul wide awake, real and relevant.

You can take this mess that is me and restore my world once more. You can grow this heart that now solely clings to You. You can sharpen my bones, breathe back into my lungs. You can make me whole and beautiful again.

Consider and Respond:

What does it mean to die in Christ?

What does it mean to live with Christ?

God, what are You saying to me through this verse?

Lord, You restore. And you call for a surrender of my wants and needs to find a world that is far more freeing and worthy than I could find on my own. To die to self is to gain Your life, allow You to flow through my veins. Please let me release my life to You; I want to hold out my heart to You and look to Your love as a promise of a brighter life to be. Amen.